Delicately,

 I have to give up. Not in a coward way. But in a strong, mindful fucking way. Because there is no way this is love. You do not love me. And I cannot tolerate simply being cared about now and then. If you can call it care. I am not built up for this. I am built up for strong love, passion, a fight that is fought for a touch. I am built up for a passionate love. I deserve to be loved carefully and powerfully. I deserve to be loved bravely. Do you know why I say I deserve it? Because I am built to give that kind of love. I am meant to give a brave, strong, and passionate love away to the person that is ready to share it with me. I cannot burden my heart with this much pressure to keep it all inside me just because you do not tend to contain it. My love cannot be carelessly whispered into an ear. My love is meant to be screamed. My love is meant to be fought for. The kind of love I tend to give away is for the bold, not for the cowardly. When I love, I am ready for war, and a coward cannot fight next to me. I want that kind of love where I smoke and you look at my lips, as your desire to kiss them burst from your eyes. I deserve a kind of love that can put tears into your eyes just out of an exciting happiness and driven passion. I am a brave lover. A strong one. I tend to put everything I have on the table once I love. And you are the kind of person who just rarely shows up to that table, sweep it off, and leave without a kiss. I cannot take that. I deserve an anxious stare in the middle of the night. Anxious because you cannot keep your passion under pressure when you are next to me. I want that love where you offer coffee at midnight. I want that love where I can feel that sudden urge of crying out of how excited I am to love and to be loved. I deserve that kind of love where I am seen, heard, and held. Because I am the person who sees, hears, and holds when it comes to love. I want that love where you have a strange look on your face because you just know how in love you are. I do not want clarity, to be honest. I want that chaos where love, passion, and excitement is always in the air. But if all you can give to me is a palm full of rare glances, rare attendances, rare kisses, rare touches, and rare passion, I do not want it. I have to pass it. Because I cannot contain something that shallow in my heart, which is as deep as an ocean. I deserve crying from knowing how much I love you. With you, I cannot do even that. With you, I always have to pretend that I do not care even when I feel the love. You never give it back. I remember the day you told me you loved me. Even then, your eyes did not shine more than a second. I should have known. But I guess I wanted to believe that. That is why I made myself fall for that. No, you are not the one. You cannot be. Because that is not what I deserve. I cannot even believe that my fingers are letting my write these words because my mouth never lets me utter these words. But here I am. Brutally honest. You are not the one because this cannot be the love I am built for. No, the love I am built for cannot be forcing me to wait so that the pieces can fall into place for you. I am done waiting for you to make sense of your feelings. I am done trying to make myself believe that one day you will realize it and come with open arms. You will not. Because you are not the one. Because this cannot be the love I deserve. I know love. I once met it. Now, it is not with me. But I know love. I know love enough to know that this just is not it.

Delicately,