Hello, That is Love.

 

Imagine flower ants

Thousands of them running on your body

Making you feel itchy

That is love.

For a while, that itchiness makes you only crave more. You dive in to get more and more of it but you never realize the scratches on your skin. Because the more you scratch, the less they give you a piece of itch relief.

Imagine the smoke

Filling your lungs

And demanding to be inhaled

Even when there is no room left

That is love.

When you first find the pipe of love, all fresh and unknown, you will smoke like a chimney. Your lungs will be filled with it to a point where you run out of breath. But you never know where to stop. You keep trying to fill the room with smoke even though there is no room left. No room left for “you”. That is when you need to stop. Exhale. 

 YOU BETTER BELIEVE IN GHOST STORIES

The shattered pieces of my soul were crumbling upon my feet, yes, I planted my own wisteria with the company of my roaring agony and there happened a ricochet burst every time I tried to move my feet. There, my burning love could not tear apart that wisteria, it must have become a ghost cursing your name and tying me up even more firmly to the ground that held my shattered hoax, which was proudly named love back then. Somehow, reality crept in there. Oh, how treacherous and sly it was. How fortunate, the truth was even more treacherous than what you did. The truth was the only one sharp enough to cut that wisteria off. And there I landed on my feet once again. The bravest thing I have ever done was burn that wisteria with my salty tears so that it can never find me again. Me and the ghost of my love, we can collect and put all the shattered pieces back together, even if we create a billion-piece puzzle of my heart. It will be stronger than ever once we leave your hoax out of it. They say what you seek is seeking you, I am not seeking water for the branches of your hoax that crumble upon my heart, darling, I am looking for a knife.

Your sweet and treacherous hoax will haunt only you now, you are the one who killed it. I, on the other hand, befriended its ghost. 

 JUST EMBRACE,

As he was trying to give me some scientific information about the sky and its blessings, the literature-obsessed ghost in me came into play. Interrupting him, I said: “So, can we say that the Sun is hiding from the Moon at night, poetically speaking?” He started laughing. He told me that I totally screwed up, scientifically speaking. Still, I support my case with a full heart. The Sun is hiding from the Moon at night. But the Moon is already so cold, why does not the Moon know that the Sun cannot burn it no matter how afire the Sun’s heart is. The Sun is hiding from the Moon because the Sun knows that the Moon is afraid of her warmth. It is in vain, though. Firstly because the Sun cannot burn the Moon. Secondly, because neither the Moon’s fear nor the Sun’s escape can prevent the magic between them.

Just embrace.

You do not need to fear anything.

You do not need to hide

Because the magic will happen anyway.

Just embrace.

 LOOK UP,

I used to take every step with an unnecessarily cautious attitude. I would believe that if I ever missed a line, life would take my stumble as a threat and push my soul from a cliff. Now, I only look up. Now, I can finally see the stars. I finally remembered to look up and see the stars. If I cannot, I simply imagine them and they become my reality. I am no longer chasing lines. I am no longer chasing scratches. The stars, well, I am not chasing them, either. They are just there every time I want to see them. I am no longer creating the cliffs that I end up running from. Everything that used to burn up and set fire to my chest became the ashes that fade with the wind every time I remember to look up. Every wisteria that tangled around my feet became daisies and they only make me feel free.

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.”

-Stephen HAWKING

 BLACKOUT

Far from the idea of anything, am I really interested in all of this? Why do I keep losing myself in the process of loving someone else? Each time, I find my soul screaming at me. She wants me to hold my own hand once in a while and tell myself that I am the one that is worthy of fighting. I cannot shut doors. I can never shut the doors that are meant to be shut. Instead, I wait for someone else to shut the door and leave me on the other side of it so that I can breathe without the burden of shutting the door myself. I keep losing my own light in the process of shedding light on people who do not deserve any piece of it. I feel like anyone else would have given up already. But I keep trying. Maybe it is time I stopped trying and just accepted my melodrama.

You cause a blackout

In your soul because

You insist on shedding

A light on people who

Do not value the deed.

It is important that you know you do not have to stay where it feels forced. You cannot expect others to shed a light on you. First, perhaps they do not even have enough light for themselves. Second, their external light cannot illuminate your soul. Third and last, you do not need anyone else’s light. Your own darkness is always brighter than someone else’s forced match.